Catch 22
by figliedellatempesta
Summary: Crack Alert.  Semi-AU.  Steven Stone is a geology teacher, whose cosy existence is suddenly disrupted by a rather attractive student.  Unfortunately, that student is 16 year old May Maple, and a relationship with her is surely out of the question?
1. Chapter 1

This is mainly for Raichurai and White Delight, who requested another Hoennchampionship. More random nonsense basically, but I feel I have a new favourite ship to write about. Hope you guys enjoy.

A/N – this is basically an AU, where Steven is a geology teacher. May is about 16 or something, NOT 10!

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It was Steven Stone's first day teaching at Oldale Secondary School. His day job was as a lecturer at Hoenn State University, but for 2 weeks only, he had been requested to teach a geology module at the local school. GCSE geology; hardly the most enthralling way for him to spend his afternoons, but at least he could maybe get a few students interested in his favourite subject.

He sighed, brushed his silver-grey hair back out of his eyes and shuffled his papers as the students began to file into the classroom. Just a normal GCSE level class; a bunch of shabby looking and slightly disinterested teens, dressed in the blue uniform that all the school students wore. Steven didn't have particularly high hopes for the class, but nonetheless, he waited for them to all sit down and then began the lesson.

"Welcome, everyone. My name is Professor Stone, you may just call me Mr Stone, and I am here to teach this semester's geology module, as part of your geography course." He coughed slightly and looked around the room at the sea of bored looking faces. Almost half the class had already started fiddling with mobile phones, playing with their hair or doodling, and he had only introduced himself so far. This wasn't a great start. Anyway, he ploughed on, regardless.

"Er, well... yes, today's topic, igneous and metamorphic rock formations..." He began to show the class several slides of different types of rock, explaining the differences and how they were formed. Ten minutes into the class, he risked a glance forwards. Not wholly unexpectedly, no one seemed to be too interested. A group of boys were chatting and laughing at the back, several kids had fallen asleep and many were busying themselves with books, ipods or mobile phones. Steven sighed slightly, he had hoped that at least a few of them would show an interest. He was just about to go back to his lecture, when he caught sight of a petite, dark haired girl, sitting with a few friends on the left hand side of the classroom. She was very pretty, to say the least, with a very innocent look about her, and a sort of youthful enthusiasm in her eyes. She was looking up at Steven with wide eyes, totally engrossed in what he was saying.

Steven found himself almost blushing, his cheeks heating up uncomfortably, and he fumbled and almost dropped his stack of papers. Hoping desperately that no one had noticed, he cleared his throat and continued to babble about foliation.

"...This causes the platy or elongated crystals of minerals, such as mica and chlorite, to become rotated such that their long axes are perpendicular to the orientation of shortening. This results in a banded, or foliated, rock, with the bands showing the colors of the minerals that formed them..." Steven droned.

"Textures are separated into foliated and non-foliated categories. Foliated rock is a product of differential stress that deforms the rock in one plane, sometimes creating a plane of, er, cleavage... ahem... For example, er, um, slate is a foliated metamorphic rock, originating from shale. Non-foliated rock does not have planar patterns of strain..." Steven paused, wiping his somewhat sweaty hands on his trousers. He was finding himself unusually nervous talking in front of this particular class for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with the girl in the front row; the way she was looking up at him with a mixture of awe and fascination, her incredible blue eyes, the way she kept flicking her brown hair out of her face, the slight smile she had as she hastily copied down notes on the lecture. Oh, and maybe something to do with the way the top few buttons of her shirt were undone.

_Oh... god... no. _Steven was nearly 30, it was completely and utterly wrong for him to be looking at one of his students in that sort of way! It really wasn't in his nature at all. Wait a minute, how old were this class again? GCSE... No, definitely far too young! He groaned inwardly. Just his luck. He had to try to keep his attention on the lesson, and far, far away from any of his students, no matter how cute they were.

Where was he again? "Uh, umm, errr, oh yes... as I was saying... gneiss is very coarse grained..."

Steven was extremely glad when the lesson was over. "So, well that's the end of the lesson. I'll be back tomorrow for the lesson on geomorphology. Thanks for listening." He doubted that many of them had been listening, but that was really the least of his concerns.

He sighed to himself with relief as he began to put away all his notes and other equipment. He was therefore extremely surprised when a quiet and slightly nervous voice interrupted him. "E-excuse me Professor..."

Steven jumped slightly, before turning around to look at the person who had spoken. He instantly felt himself redden slightly. _Oh god, what did she want? _"Um, yes, what is it?" he stammered, nervously.

"S-sir, I just wanted to clarify whether you said that quartz was metamorphic?"

Steven almost forgot everything he knew about rocks, or anything for that matter. "Er, yeah, that's right", he muttered.

"Thank you so much," she said, excitedly, "wow that was such an interesting class, I can't wait for tomorrow!" She smiled happily to herself as she skipped out of the classroom. Steven sank onto the chair, somewhat weak at the knees. This job was probably going to be the death of him, he thought to himself.

The next day, Steven was absolutely dreading his geology class. Normally he relished the opportunity to pass on his knowledge to youngsters, but he had a very good reason to worry about this class. A reason that was known to most as May Maple.

Unfortunately for Steven, May had come into school that day in a very short skirt and a very see-through shirt. Steven found himself blushing, sweating and stuttering all the way through the lesson, barely able to remember what he had meant to say about erosion.

Finally, finally, he reached the end of the lesson. "Ok, you can all go, can I just take in your books before you go, so I can mark your homework?" He sat behind his desk as the students traipsed past, dumping their books in a pile in front of him. Lets just say, his discomfort was hardly helped by realising that a certain girl had doodled his name on her book several times, including doodles of the name "May Stone", and many love hearts. Her flirtatious smile directed towards him as she left the classroom merely reinforced his fears. Steven went home from work that night feeling more than a little disconcerted, and totally unsure of how he should react to May's slightly obvious flirtations.

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Info on rock formations copyright of Wikipedia! R&R, people! There can be more if it is asked for politely (plus I want to know what direction you would like this to go in, should they get together or shall I tease poor Steven some more? Haha.)


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, since I've had a couple of positive reviews for this story, I have decided to take a little time out of my busy schedule to whip up another chapter! Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and thanks for the idea Raichurai... ;D

Disclaimer: I own Steven Stone, hands off.

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Steven was just beginning to get down to his usual relaxing evening of a cup of tea, some custard creams and a crossword in front of the week's episode of the Apprentice, when a beep from his laptop alerted him to a new email. Sighing with annoyance at being distracted from his tea, he put the mug down on the table (Steven has a mug with "Number One Champion" on it, obviously) and looked over at his computer. He opened up his HoennMail account, and his eyes flicked to a new message from an email address he didn't immediately recognise: ... Oh well, he opened the email, hoping it was nothing important so he could get back to watching the lastest challenge on the Apprentice. He pretended he didn't watch it, but secretly he enjoyed watching the ridiculously cocky contestants being knocked off their pedestals one by one.

_Dear Mr Stone, _he read, _I really enjoyed the class on geomorphology, but I was wondering about a few of the points you raised. I'm really interested in doing geology at university, so I was hoping that I could maybe have a private tutor meeting with you sometime this week to go over some of the points? I think you're a great teacher Mr Stone and I really hope I can meet with you to discuss geology and maybe other things too. Perhaps I could meet you for a coffee, or even come over to your house if that's ok with you? Thanks a lot and I can't wait for our next class. With love, May Maple._

By this point, Steven was completely distracted from his tv show, and hadn't even noticed that he had split tea all over his shirt in his surprise and shock. Come over to his house? Can't wait for the next class? With LOVE? This was all a bit too much for him to take in. Was this a normal email for a pupil to be sending him? Maybe if May happened to not be the most overwhelmingly perfect female specimen he had ever laid eyes upon, he'd be able to read her email without overanalysing every word. Was it normal for a student to invite herself to his house? Surely it couldn't be. Steven didn't really know, it certainly wasn't something that had happened to him before.

He sat at his desk for about 20 minutes before he even managed to write anything at all in response. Was May trying to flirt with him? Was she being inappropriate, or was this a completely normal email from a completely normal pupil who had no interest in him whatsoever? Either way, Steven was pretty sure it was illegal for him to have the same feelings back for her, due to the 13 year age gap! He wiped his hands on his trousers, coughed nervously and typed his reply:

_Dear Miss Maple, I am glad to hear that you are enjoying the classes and that you are contemplating taking your studies further. I would be pleased to help you to understand the topics, if you wish. I suggest that we meet in my office tomorrow at 4.00 after school and I can help you with your queries. Mr Stone_

Yes, surely that was good enough. He had kept it professional, without having to let May down, and he had hopefully dissuaded her from coming over to his house or any such thing.

That said, this didn't help Steven to relax for the rest of the evening, and he found himself on edge for the whole of the next day. When it came to 3.45, he was sitting in his office tapping his feet on the floor, playing with the buttons on his jacket and twisting pieces of paper until they fell into little pieces. He tried to calm his nerves by telling himself that it was just a purely professional meeting between a teacher and a pupil, something that was surely an every day occurance. This didn't stop him almost falling off his chair with shock when May knocked on the door.

"May!", he yelled in surprise, "...I mean, come in!"

The young brunette pushed the door open a little shyly and popped her head round the door. "Hi sir" she said.

"Er, yes, hello Miss Maple."

"You can call me May", she said, with a smile.

Steven cracked his knuckles nervously. "How can I help you?" he asked, nervously. "Er, sit down Miss Maple," he muttered, gesturing to a chair opposite his desk. May settled herself down in her chair, crossing her legs and giving Steven a momentary glimpse of her stockings in the process, making him blink nervously and try to look at anything in the office other than May.

"Can I get you anything? A drink or something?", he asked, trying to break the tension. _No Steven, that sounds all wrong... just inappropriate, shouldn't have said anything..._

"Do you have any hot chocolate?" May piped up, looking at him enthusiastically.

"Um, er... hot chocolate?" he asked in confusion. "I'm sure I could get you some from the staff room"... _No, that's just too much... it sounds like I'm trying to groom her..._

"Yes please sir", she smiles back.

5 minutes later, Steven found himself awkwardly opening the door back into his office, carrying a cup of hot chocolate that he had fetched from the staff room just for May. He handed it to her rather hurriedly. Somehow, accidentally, his hand brushed against May's for just a brief moment, but he felt his face going redder than it ever had before, and he quickly jumped backwards, hiding behind his desk as quickly as was possible.

May sipped sensually on her hot chocolate, looking up at Steven with her huge ocean blue eyes, while the teacher struggled to remember what this meeting was even supposed to be about.

"Um... you wanted to ask some questions?"

"Oh", May said, sounding slightly disappointed. "Um, I was wondering if you could go over Hack's law with me..."

Steven raised an eyebrow. At least this sounded quite innocent. "Very well then Miss Maple..." he wrote the equation down on a piece of paper and began to explain it. May leaned over to look at the equation, leaving Steven trying, and failing, to not look down her top. She was wearing a pink bra. Steven began to wonder whether maybe he was some kind of pervert, but he just couldn't tear his eyes away. His concentration was only broken by May looking up at him, with a slight knowing glint in her eye. Steven wished desperately that he could somehow disappear. He cleared his throat nervously. May just smiled that flirtatious smile of hers, making Steven wonder whether or not she had deliberately worn that bra just to make him as uncomfortable as was humanly possible. He pulled his jacket quickly across his lap, so as to hide the tell-tale signs of his interest in May's choice of undergarments.

"What about fluvial landforms, sir?" May said, jerking Steven out of his ever more disturbing thoughts. He thought to himself that no one he had ever met had been able to make geological terms sound so sexual. The way she said it almost made it sound like she was talking about something really inappropriate.

"Uhh", he muttered, losing his ability to think straight or form coherent words. He reached across his desk to a pile of books and handed one to her. "I think this book might help you, Miss Maple," he said. "It covers a lot of aspects of geology that I think might be really interesting to you."

"Oh. Thanks sir... I'll give it back when I've read it. Maybe I could drop it round to your house sometime?" The meaningful look she gave him was in no way lost on him.

"That won't be necessary," he said quickly. "I'm sure you should be getting back home now, Miss Maple."

"Yes sir," she replied. "I'd better get back and have a nice hot shower before I get into bed!"

Steven was starting to think that he was going to need a very cold shower to get over this particular image, but he swallowed and said nothing. "I'll see you tomorrow Miss Maple".

"Ok, see you tomorrow sir," she said, giving him what he could have sworn was a wink, before turning and leaving the room, leaving Steven with his head in his hands in complete dismay.

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Ha, I hope you enjoyed that chapter, I enjoyed writing it. I hope you realise this story is just for fun and there is no real plot. Please review if you liked or disliked it.


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